


we could be royals (and yet we aren't)

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Class Differences, Existential Crisis, M/M, jaemin violinist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23132602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: how could donghyuck ever be worthy?
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22
Collections: dream jukebox fest: round one





	we could be royals (and yet we aren't)

**Author's Note:**

> prompt song - royals by lorde. 
> 
> this is a huge mismash of reflection and thinking, so i hope you'll bear with me. it also might not be some of my best work, per se, but i'm proud of it nonetheless and am glad to be participating in this cool fic fest! can't wait to see some of the other fics as well hahaha

Na Jaemin slipped through the narrow hole in the wire fence, broad shoulders barely making it through the gap. He regained his footing on the ground and brushed off his coat, so obviously not from this side of town that it was painful. Slipping his hood over his head and dusting a little dirt on his clothes made him feel a little more like he blended in, but alas it didn’t do much. Regardless, he continued on, eyes wandering from the taverns with rickety signs to the small houses and scores of people in various states of unkempt scattered all around. Jaemin was well aware that he stuck out like a sore thumb in this crowd of ragtag people, with his navy school blazer and crisp white shirt, complete with dress slacks. He received several stares for his efforts at disguise as he walked along the rickety street, which he brushed off. Though it seemed that he was striding towards a small, worn down apothecary, he changed directions at the last minute, vanishing through a small, dark alley to the public eye. 

The alley led out into a forest, for it was the end of the city. Jaemin had often not made it this far without someone attempting to jump him, and failing miserably. He couldn’t blame them either, for, after all, he did look very robbable in his rich attire. Most often, it happened in that alleyway, a breeding ground for shady stories and worrisome experiences. As it was, he appeared to get quite a bit more attention when those things happened, leading him to avoid the fights, no matter how bored he might be. He usually tried to end fights, not start them. 

Now in the forest, Jaemin felt a little freer. He checked his watch and confirmed that he had at least an hour to mess around before he would have to leave in order not to arouse suspicion. Grinning in anticipation, he went straight to work, getting out a small Swiss Army knife and beginning to carve a nearby tree, creating a small emblem on its trunk. He was content in his work, humming a low tune to himself as he did so until his ears picked up the sound of a light footstep and he heard the clearing of a throat behind him. 

“You’re hurting the tree, you monster!” said a boy with sun-kissed skin about Jaemin’s age, leading him to relax and wave him over. He earned a slap on the back of the head for his efforts, and immediately dropped his knife, letting out a yowl. 

“Ow, Hyuck! That really hurt.” said the now pouting boy, big eyes focused on the softening Donghyuck. 

“I did what I had to do, you self-centred brat! Think of how the tree would feel” Mouth agape, Jaemin stared at him in sheer confusion. 

“They don’t look like they’re in pain,” said Jaemin dubiously as he looked at the tree. “They aren’t making any noise.” 

Donghyuck looked at him with such unadulterated exasperation that if looks could kill, he’d be a dead man. Jaemin stepped backwards a fraction, awaiting the imminent scolding, but it never came. Instead, there was merely the soft plodding of Donghyuck’s footsteps as he stepped over to Jaemin in an elegant movement, grabbing him in another and swiftly snatching the knife from his hand, causing Jaemin to frown at him. 

“Hey, I was using that!” Donghyuck only stuck out his tongue in retaliation, folding up the knife and waving it around in defiance as Jaemin sighed. The younger boy strode up to his slight elder and wrapped his arms around him, long arms grabbing at his knife, ignoring Donghyuck’s muffled laughter from where his face was pressed to Jaemin’s chest. 

“Give. Me. That. Knife.” said Jaemin, voice unknowingly going deeper than it’s usual already-pretty-low tone. Donghyuck clucked his tongue, still muffled. 

“That wasn’t very nice, Nana,” said Donghyuck, finally removing his face from the expanse of Jaemin’s chest and looking up at him, the picture of innocence save for his growing smirk. Jaemin huffed and stepped away, pouting in the way that he knew would get Donghyuck to cave. Said boy saw those puppy eyes and averted his gaze, shutting his eyes for extra measure. 

“Don’t do that or I’ll never talk to you again.” Jaemin harrumphed but stopped, for the fear of losing Donghyuck wasn’t one he was willing to risk, despite it being a joke. 

“Why won’t you let me carve the tree? It’s calming!” Donghyuck sighed, placing his other hand on Jaemin as he prepared to form some sort of explanation to placate the distraught younger. Said boy, meanwhile, was pouting and squinting at his slight elder, stepping away to further enunciate his displeasement. Donghyuck sighed and looked straight at him, putting his mature face on. 

“I know it’s calming but it’s bad for the trees, okay? Perhaps instead try other ways of calming yourself.” Jaemin nodded, looking into the eyes of Donghyuck and smiling tentatively. 

“Alright, I won’t,” said Jaemin, slipping closer to Donghyuck and lacing their fingers together, further reddening the older boy’s already typically rosy cheeks. They stared into one another’s eyes for a while, attraction apparent in both boys’ eyes. 

An alarm broke the silence, and Jaemin was left to scowl down at his iPhone Eleven Pro Max in frustration, cursing the cockblock that was his phone alarm. Meanwhile, Donghyuck had jumped like he was stung, and was joining Jaemin in his angry staring. Sensing an opportunity, Jaemin leaned forwards and kissed Donghyuck on the forehead. 

“I’ve got to leave baby, violin lessons,” said Jaemin, jumping up as he ran a hand through his hair. The older of the two nodded, standing up as Jaemin walked off, looking back and mouthing an “I love you” as he went, then turning tail and running out of the forest and to the fence. 

That was their dynamic, thought Donghyuck forlornly as he looked at the space Jaemin was just taking up. They meet for a fleeting time, and then one of them always had to leave. Donghyuck couldn’t count the times that he too had had to ditch to work at his dad’s shop, or to help out friends in town when issues happened, which was all the time in their run-down side of the city. It wasn’t ideal, their relationship, their lives, but the feeling of pure, unadulterated love they would get when being around each other was always worth it. Nonetheless, the traitorous feeling of greed always found itself lodged in the back of his mind like an insistent gnat he just couldn’t get rid of. He did his best to brush it off and move on, but still it remained, bringing with it anger at their need for secrecy.

Society is the cause of a majority of problems in their lives, thought Donghyuck with a grimace. And yet, society is what keeps the human race going, makes all of the world operate in some generality. It’s hated and feared, and yet idolised and loved at the same time. 

Donghyuck despised this system of mindless acceptance; hated the way it dragged grubby, incessant hands across the tight bond that he and Jaemin possessed. It was hard, being so close and yet so far at times, when he would see Jaemin and yet still was forced to look the other way, smiling at his next customer as his boyfriend walked past without sparing him a single glance. How easy it looks, he thought. 

And that’s when the doubt really began to hit. Nothing hurts quite like the feeling of insecurity and confusion regarding one’s relationship, and it is a trying feeling, doubting their love. Regardless, he remained silent, because at the end of the day, all that would happen is that he would get shot down, laughed off, and only worry him more. 

Silence was perhaps the more excruciating of his options, but only from a personal view. Ignorance was bliss, and keeping Jaemin blissful was his only clear  
goal. Perhaps one day the sacrifices would feel truly worth it, seeing him smile even when the rest of the world was crashing down around Donghyuck’s ears. Until then, he remained under a facade of joy, fooling all, for it was all they had ever seen. 

Lingering feelings existed only to get rid of, and the dregs of emotion were the seeds of numbness. Eventually, he would feel secure in his life, but not now. Not when the jealousy consumed him, not when the knowledge marred him, and certainly not when things happened that he knew he wasn’t supposed to see. One such example was the time he had caught a girl up his precious boyfriend, who was drunk off his ass in an attempt at defiance and anger. It had backfired, and nothing hurt more than watching Jaemin lean close to kiss the girl, eyes hazy and unfocused but managing to hit his mark. 

Jaemin eventually told Donghyuck himself, to his credit, and was pleasantly surprised when the older gave him nothing but a smile and a reassuring “It’s okay”. What the younger wouldn’t know is the horrible mood it put him in, causing him to sit and think  
for hours. He only stopped because of the worried call Johnny gave him, immediately silencing his rambling when he heard the flat tone of Donghyuck’s voice. 

Maybe they didn’t need more than what they had, but Donghyuck couldn’t help but wish, couldn’t help but hope that they could have the luxury of expressing their love in public, to go to bed in one another’s arms. Alas, Donghyuck was left to keep his dreams to himself for fear of getting blown off. 

He stood up, brushing the dirt off his pants, right as he got a call from Johnny. 

“Hey kiddo, you coming home soon? I’m baking an apple pie, and the guys are over,” he said, lax smile apparent in his voice and reassuring tone comforting Donghyuck in the way only Johnny could. He let his lips curve into a tiny smile, eyes still holding a tired glaze but looking more alive that he had been. 

Donghyuck hauled himself up, sticking his phone into his pocket, and began to trudge back home. Perhaps he would use the walk to contemplate his loneliness, and perhaps he would decide that being alone in his walk was not a bad thing necessarily, but rather a way to contemplate. He would trudge through the forest and over a hill, all the while thinking about his dependence upon Jaemin and whether or not it was healthy. Almost every emotion was rooted to Jaemin, and he made every memory with him somehow in it, whether in the background or the reason for it.

They might be royals in their place, deep among the branches and beasts of the forest, but outside of that he was no one special. Two young men, doing their best to live their lives in peace and prosperity, leading different lives with different destinations, one to greatness and one mediocre. How could Donghyuck ever be so much as a blip on the lifespan of a person like Jaemin, a person destined for greatness, beautiful and talented everywhere he goes? How could he ever hope to be loved by someone that much better than him? Donghyuck lived in an unrealistic orld, trying to convince himself that it was true, but knowing better than to actually believe it. He just hopes that life will let him continue living his fantasy, having his small pocket of wonder amongst an average life. 

And that is all the royalty Lee Donghyuck will ever have, all the royalty he’ll ever crave. 

Na Jaemin, the magnet that skewed his inner compass. The boy who had taken his heart; plucked it straight from his grasp, skipping along his merry way without the slightest of an inkling. 

Lee Donghyuck, the average boy turned glimmering by the ephemeral joy that was gleaned from a boy who seemed to scintillate with it, an effervescent boy that would grow to be an alluring man through a process he needed not take part in. 

Their love was bound to break, and so it did, leaving a scar that would tear both of them up, but they would rise and continue on. Neither of them ever forgot the time that they were the kings of a kingdom they created, rulers of a world that never really was. 

Leaves rustled as Jaemin made his way back to the wood, now a man of thirty-some years. He smiled forlornly when he got to their spot, and pulled out his pocket knife with a sigh. Carving four letters into the bark of the old dead tree, he smiled when he was done and made sure it was legible. 

Fast forward another year, when Donghyuck would come and visit their spot. Seeing the letters “LD & NJ” in the tree brought back thoughts hidden deep within him and he was reminded of all their memories, rushing through with all the force of a waterfall as the floodwalls burst and gave way. 

Of a royalty long dead, a reigning king that had to step down. Of being lost and found all at once. Of giving all but getting none back.

Of a time well spent and bad timing. Of them, Na Jaemin and Lee Donghyuck.


End file.
